You may have noticed that I’m still not very active on my blog these days. Honestly, I can’t blame my arm anymore. Although there is still some healing to do, it’s feeling much better and I’ve recovered a wide range of movement I had struggled with the last few months.
If I was to blame something (although, I’m never big on blaming), I would have to point the finger at time : fleeting, escaping, running away with it time.
Ever since I became a stay-at-home mom, I’ve been trying to find the right balance in my life : Between kids and home, cleaning and playing, me time and family time, outdoor and indoor… The process of introspection I’ve been on about my schedule has been constant, if not a bit overwhelming at times. How to best spend my time, how to best use my time, how to insure I’m giving all the different parts of my life the appropriate amount of time and most importantly, what am I DOING with my time that I feel I have so little of it?
I think that last question rings the closest right now because of this nagging feeling I have that I’m always over scheduled and running. You know that feeling you have that you are forgetting something? That is me 23 hours out of 24 and I never thought I would feel this way after stopping working.
I’ve recently come to understand that a lot of the pain in my elbow, arm and shoulder, although truly physical, may have an emotional catalyst. Yes, I’m actually putting this out there for the world to see : I think part of my pain is in my head!
This past Sunday, my husband and I were blessed to get together with a group of Tao practitioners like ourselves and participate in a day of learning about Chinese energetics in Traditional Chinese Medecine (TCM). We learned all about the 5 elements and how they are associated with everything in our lives from seasons to food to major organs in our bodies. But what especially rang true was the negative emotions associated with these elements and how they affect us physically. I wouldn’t feel knowledgeable enough to give the information here, but lets just say I saw a lot of links between the way I’ve been feeling and parts of my body that have been feeling less than “up to par”. And at the base of it all, stress was a major factor.
So how do I solve this? How do I take better care of myself while addressing the REAL problem (my level of stress) instead of the symptom of the problem (the pain in my arm)? Quite frankly, I’m not sure. Little things I guess :
- Learning to say NO. That is a HUGE one for me. I love to make people happy. I mean, who doesn’t right? But along with loving to make people happy, I have a sometimes unhealthy attachment to my fear of making people unhappy. And if that wasn’t enough, when I do muster up the courage to say “no”, I usually end up feeling guilty about it, which negates the whole effort anyway. So this, evidently, is a huge one for me.
- Start creating more. That is a given. I need to not only carve out time for creation, but not feel like it should be last on my list all the time. Everything always ends up coming first, that comes with being a mom and I’m sure many of you can relate. But I need to stop brushing it off as “non important”.
- Continuing with our decluttering efforts. As I feel winter approaching and the indoors calling us in, I’m starting to feel claustrophobic again. We’ve made very huge progress in our home organization, but with us starting to board up windows and fully shutting closed doors, I feel the urge to clean and organize all the time. This means we still have too much stuff. We have become stagnant again. It seems no matter what we donate or get rid of, there is still too much. The more I feel the need to clean, the less I feel like I’m using my time properly. Vicious circle right? So the way I see it, the less we have, the less we have to clean, the less I’ll feel like I’m wasting time.
- Getting back in shape. I’m tired of feeling tired. Something needs to change. It’s easy to feel like you are getting exercise when you are running after a little 2 legged tornado all day long. But that is NOT exercising and I need to stop relying on it to keep me healthy.
Okay, now that I’ve actually said these things out loud, they don’t seem so small. But I think they need to happen. So I’m starting today. Baby steps right? A drawer here, a sit-up there, a quilt square and a plan-free week-end is in the air. Didn’t mean to rhyme. LOL! Wish me luck and thanks for listening. xo