… that would sum up our week pretty easily.
When we got the news about our son’s hearing 2 weeks ago, we knew there would be a lot to do. But I never realized how much time was of the essence. I’m a researcher by nature, I’ve always loved knowing, being proactive, leaving no stone un-turned, that is me. But I’ll admit it, this time, knowing got overwhelming. There were feelings of guilt for not having had his hearing tested earlier, knowing I’ve lost precious time and now, he is much delayed in his speech acquisition. There were feelings of loyalty (and by consequence betrayal) while choosing if we would opt for LSQ (Quebec Sign Language) or ASL (American Sign Language). Choosing if your son will speak French or English with his hands is very stressful. I honestly didn’t know I would have to choose, thinking sign language was universal. That shows I much I know! Then there was getting in contact with groups in our area that help support kids with hearing loss to see about play groups and adapted activities to stimulate his language acquisition. Busy week right? But I did it all, got tons of info and even found a free online LSQ class. I was feeling pretty good about myself.
Then, just when I thought I had covered all my bases, it seems I’ll need to file some paperwork with my provincial and federal governments because we might be eligible for extra financial help through our Family Benefits. Did you know I might have to check the box asking me if I have a handicapped child under my care? That didn’t even occur to me. In my mind, my son isn’t handicapped. The mere thought of filling papers saying he is makes me a bit sick to my stomach. Not because I’m ashamed or because I can’t accept it. It’s mostly because that it is not how it feels to me, feels like I’m lying. But this might just be part of the learning curve and if they are anticipating me needing extra help, maybe I’ll just take a deep breath and print out the forms.
But for this week-end, we were done with all this…
We stayed close to home, a big storm taking up much of our Saturday night and Sunday throughout the day. We got a few inches of snow and a LOT of wind. But that all cleared up for our evening walk tonight and it was beautiful.
So I’m sorry if I disappeared this week, my time was just so counted and calculated. But we have made sure to plan our week so that free time will be more readily available this time around. Looking forward to sharing a few more of our “home things” in the next few days (seedlings and gluten-free cooking, oh my!) and getting back into a rhythm. I’ve become so dependent of my rhythm, I feel easily lost without it.
I want to thank all the wonderful people who have reached out with their knowledge, encouragement and experience in the last few weeks. Once again, it truly amazes me how generous and kindhearted this community is. ❤
Have a wonderful week everyone! xo
Family, Faith, Food and Fabric 
Welcome back. And what a refreshing walk can do for a tired spirit 🙂
LikeLike
Oh yes! I was remembering that when I was a child, no snow storm would have kept me in. So we had promised ourselves some well deserved time outdoors. We were just lucky that the storm stopped late in the day. 🙂
LikeLike
You are a brave and loving family. i’m sure you’ll find your way and the best one for your son. This is all very new so don’t be too hard on yourself (like any mama would). cheers, Cristina
LikeLike
Thank you… I know I have to keep reminding myself of the new-ness of it. But since in my mind, I’ve known for a while something was wrong, I feel like I’ve wasted time. Things will settle I’m sure. For now, there is just a certain feeling of urgency, you know? I will do my best not to beat myself up, I promise. xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your walk looks amazing, love that huge pile of snow! And I wish I could do something to help, sometimes as much as you want it to be, and as much as it feels it should be, life is just not simple. But you do sound like you’ve already got a great handle on this, and even without knowing about the hearing until so recently, look at how much progress your gorgeous boy has made in so many areas of his development over the last few months, it comes across in your photos – his happiness being outside, his motor skills, his interest in playing in a more focused way more recently – you’re not playing catch up in most areas, and you’ve already given him such a good start in life, without knowing, that you’ll all build on now you do know. Sometimes I think we all wish timings could be different with elements of our lives, but maybe right now is exactly the perfect point in all your lives for you all to deal with this in the best possible way.
LikeLike
So beautifully said Sally, I’m happy the outside world sees what I see as well. It,s been a bit hard here because many, since the diagnosis, have been focusing on the few things that are wrong instead of the many things that are right. Thank you for reminding me… xox
LikeLike
The start of a journey is often the toughest part. I hope that you are able to look back at this time and be grateful for all the work and research you have done. I hope your rhythms are gently beating again this week.
LikeLike
Thank you… I’m sure I will. Big waves, all though intense, usually leave behind a pretty calm environment. The week has started very nicely. We’ve rearranged schedules so that it runs more smoothly. Just some tweaking here and there will make a world of difference I’m sure. 🙂
LikeLike
Outdoors can be the best place to clear one’s mind and start fresh. You’ve accomplished a lot in two weeks. I hope this week is wonderful!
LikeLike
Thank you Robin, it sure is starting out wonderfully (weather wise and spiritually). I have a good feeling about the days to come. xo
LikeLike
Don’t beat yourself up. You’re a conscientious, loving mother. Life presents us with lots of not-wrong choices. We just navigate through them the best we can.
LikeLike
Thank you Lisa, you are very sweet. I came home to a flood of comments on my post after spending 2 hours watching my son so happy among other little kids at playgroup. The kids didn’t care that he couldn’t talk. No talk is needed for running around and laughing together. I just have to keep in mind that his supposed “unhappiness” is in my head. I have a perfectly happy child. That is all that is needed right now. 🙂
LikeLike
Wow. Sounds quite stressful and exhausting. But good once you get things moving, yes? Hang in there and hope you find some down time this week.
LikeLike
Thank you Andrea… Found out just 30 minutes ago that all the government stuff won’t happen until they can measure the degree (%) of deafness in Little Man’s ears cause only a certain deafness level will make him “handicapped”, which is kind of nice to hear (no pun intended). So until the next round of testing in the fall, I’m putting THAT whole headache on the back burner. 🙂
But for now, the sun is shining, the weather is warm and lovely an I’m going to have a lovely lovely day! Hope yours is just as lovely!
LikeLike
I totally understand where you are coming from, the whole research thing can be overwhelming and unnerving. I am glad you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and feel good about what you have done already.
Hope the warmer temperatures we have been enjoying reach you soon. It sure has been lovely, and totally brings a little extra joy to our days.
LikeLike
It definitely has… the sun was so hot and everything was melting today… the sounds of melting snow in my gutters is one of my favorite sounds of Spring.
Thank you for the encouragement. I’m definitely done with research for a I’ve got enough to keep me busy, next step : Speech therapist in 4 weeks. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh my. It does sound pretty intense. I’m sure it’s a lot to carry right now. I have always “stuttered” and was classified so severe as a child that I was actually able to get disability services. It always felt wrong though. I never really felt “disabled”. I just stuttered sometimes was all. I’m sure it will be a definite transition period and one that may have bumps in the road through out your and his life (just like I encountered), but you put so much thought and love into all of your decisions. I know you all will find your way and be just fine. Love and light to you!!
LikeLike
I didn’t know you stuttered… And I honestly didn’t know it could be considered disability either. That is strange. I guess some people stutter so much they can’t speak, but like you, it seems strange to call it a disability. But then again, add it to the list of things I didn’t know… it seems to be growing by miles and miles these days!
I found out today that the whole paperwork won’t start (if it starts) before the final full diagnosis. As long as they can’t measure the degree (%) of his deafness, everything is up in the air… which is fin by me. We are so lucky to have tons of free services and schools for the deaf here in town, I can’t imagine it would suddenly cost me and arm and a leg to raise my child. But yes, I’m sure it will just be another part of adjusting to it all. 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind words. You are always so sweet to me. xo
LikeLike
You mentioned that he would have to choose a sign language. I bet he can learn the other one later. I have friend who’s boyfriend is deaf and he can sign in Italian and in ALS. Don’t feel sorry for being away you are busy with good reason!
LikeLike
Oh, of course KC! I’m planning on my kids being both fluent in English and French (regardless if it’s with hands or voice), but for now, picking one is what we need to do. Luckily, most of the differences (I’m finding out) are in the grammar, not the vocabulary! So as he,s signing words, he can be mostly understood in both. He’s a bit too young for grammar anyway. LOL!
LikeLike
I love that fact about you being the researcher. It is much better, even if we feel overwhelmed sometimes, than not knowing. And don’t think much about those papers. That is bureaucracy, nothing else. If checking that box means some additional help for your family, who cares what does it say? You and your family are world for itself and no check box can change that. I am sure, when everything settles a little and some questions you have get answered, you’ll have a blast with learning sing language and your family will be closer than ever. Love always!
LikeLike
Thank you for the positive vibes… We are already there with sign language, so much fun to learn. 🙂 I know we’ll find our groove, this is just a BIG groove! 😛
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome back! You and your family are in my thoughts with all that is going on. You have some decisions to make, but you have much support, and I know you will make the best decisions for your family.
LikeLike
Thank you Suzy… I actually had a couple of really positive call backs today which made us feel a bit less alone. I know the resources are out there, just need to find them. In the mean time, sign language is fun to learn! 🙂 We’ve been having a blast with it. 🙂
LikeLike
check that box and use all the resources that you have available, that is what they are here for. I guarantee you once he gets hearing aids if that is an option and intervention, he is going to amaze you at the progress he makes AND I’ll wager he is good to go for first grade…..that’s just me guessing and thinking positive. Thank you for sharing your life and your thoughts. You have a wonderful attitude that will get you through the learning curve and being his advocate 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you Karen, so very sweet of you to have all this confidence in all this. I will admit, my confidence has wavered back and forth the last few days. But I’m sure that he will amaze us all. 🙂 ❤
LikeLike
oh my…. that is A LOT to deal with in just a couple of weeks! i think you did it the best way possible though… just getting through it all so that you can get back in rhythm. i know just what you mean about needing the rhythm…. especially this time of year. i always thought that sign language was universal too! wishing you peace, comfort, and rhythm in the weeks to come dear yanic. you are AMAZING 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you so much Jenny. Things have settled now. The first few days of the weeks were intense a bit again, but now, we are moving forward. I’ve finally gotten myself to a point where I’m happy just being. I think that is where I simply needed to be. Thank you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. xox
LikeLike
Hi Yanic,
I have been having a hard time getting to the computer lately, and so I am just catching up on this new part of your life. I have so much to say and nothing at all. I myself have a chronic condition that I’ve lived with for most of my life. I know that feeling of relief of finally knowing the truth, and the weight that follows afterwards of knowing that this is the rest of someone’s life and it will be a big change and a lot of work. For me and everyone around me, it meant reorganizing life and grieving for the life you thought was coming, but will be lived very differently now.
Now that my condition is a part of daily life, I’m grateful for the ways that I understand the world in a way that someone who is not like me cannot. Culturally, we’ve decided to value certain things and see other things as “handicaps,” but from where I sit, this is just a one sided view of the human being that neglects to realize that we are here to learn more about ourselves and the earth. When we embrace our differences and see them as gifts we can learn a lot from sharing our experiences. It’s sounds cliche and sometimes people tell me I’m just rationalizing a less than ideal situation, but I don’t see it that way at all. I have days when I am frustrated by my limitations, but who doesn’t?
I will also say that I think our children choose to come to us from the heavens, knowing just who will be able to support them in their life’s work, whatever it might be. I fully trust that Boen has found just the right family to love, embrace and support him, for all of the gifts that he brings.
Sending strength and love to all of you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I totally understand what you mean by the “grieving” for the life you thought you would have. I have to keep reminding myself that he will never have known really anything different. When I think of all the things he’ll “miss”, those are my fears and insecurities, attachments and hang-ups. He will know and love the life he knows and loves… And I believe that too : That kids choose their parents. I just hope we ddon’t let him down. xox
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: A lighter tone, pretty shamrocks and a little something green | Family, Faith, Food and Fabric
Take heart, my sister was deaf until she was three. It turned out she needed tubes in her ears. I also needed them but they caught it in me sooner. Both of us grew up without speech problems despite getting a later jump in life. I’m not saying we are the same, jut trying to give you some light. We also have a connective tissue disorder that often makes us have to check “handicapped” boxes on forms. We check the box knowing that doing so only sets us apart enough to get us the help we need. I don’t know if that helps, but I sure hope it does. Be well.
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so looking forward to our first meet with the speech therapist. I feel we are just missing a few key tricks-of-the-trade. And yes, if I need to check the boxes I will, but it still won’t change the way I feel *winks*
LikeLike