Almost… since I’ve stepped away from this place, since last I’ve opened my heart on these pages. The last year was one of redefinition, self-exploration, connection as a family and of finding out who and what we not only are, but who and what we want to be.
In my last post, I was conflicted. Lacking identity, I didn’t know how to relate not only to my blog, but to everyone else around me. I had questions that needed answered and the only way I could do that was to closely look inward and figure me out in the short and long term. And all though I feel as though I have a pretty firm grasp on it finally, I know I will always be searching a bit. But the difference is that I’m okay with that now.
Much has changed here. A series of attempts (not always successful) at a life that seemed ideal has lead us to a simple conclusion : that no life is ideal. More importantly, no model of life seen anywhere is ideal for anyone but the people living that life. The model needs to be your own, the only one walking in your shoes is you and the only reality is the one you make. It was a hard lesson, hard on the ego, hard on our dreams. But we’ve made new dreams and now, with a bit of time for reflecting, those dreams are better, because they are our own.
So another year begins. (Funny how the beginning of the school year has always felt more like “New Year” than January 1st to me.) We have decided to homeschool our Little Miss (not so little anymore) while our Little Man goes to preschool 3 days a week. His social environment therapy is going well and we felt that we should benefit of the early intervention while we still can. 2nd grade is upon us and our lives are calmer. Sitting here watching the kiddos in our neighborhood walk by, heavy backpacks on, heading into their first day while my kiddos happily play in the living room brings me peace. Our days are filled with much imagination and freedom now. Formal learning is spread out and minimal, leaving more room for exploration and discovery. Next year, when Little Man turns 5, we will be full time homeschoolers. Therapy will be a fraction of what it is right now and we will make our own way. I’m grateful for everything they have given us in these first years of adaptation and acceptance, but I feel it will soon be time to fly away from that “nest”.
As time moves forward, I hope to reconnect with people I’ve missed and meet new ones.
Stop in and say hello if you feel like it, I would love to know how you are.